CLOSING DOOR AGAINST DIVORCE IN MARRIAGE

It sounds absurd. But in reality, this is how many people feel about their marriages if they leave doors to divorce open. “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “... so guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith,” (Malachi 2:16 NIV). The Bible is clear: God hates divorce. It’s important to note that the Bible does not teach that divorce is always wrong or that it’s never an option under any circumstances. THE DOOR OF INDEPENDENCE Close the Door With: Partnership Individuality is healthy in relationships, but independence puts stress on a marriage. It’s not about permission, but partnership. Marriage is not 50/50 or 60/40 ... it’s 100/100 where both people have chosen to commit their lives together. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Partnership is a choice—and it takes both people to make it work. THE DOOR OF PAST WOUNDS Close the Door With: Wellness Whatever is in you is what you bring into your relationships. A healthy relationship is a product of healthy individuals. If you’re angry, lack trust or filled with strife, you’ll bring those wounds into your relationship. There’s nothing you can give your spouse that’s better than a healthy you. By getting stronger emotionally and dealing with a wounded past, you can strengthen your relationship. THE DOOR OF SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS Close the Door With: Vision It can be easy for couples to get short-sighted in marriage—they can get caught up in day-to-day TEN DOORS OF DIVORCE The reality is that doors to divorce are available for every relationship. The only way to avoid going through the doors to divorce is to close them. Following is a list of ten common doors to divorce... and ways to keep them closed forever. But Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (King James Version). This verse applies to marriage just as much as it does to business, church or countries. When it comes to relationships, vision helps us rise above smallness and pettiness. Sometimes your spouse may have a vision to grow personally, but your thoughts and attitudes toward him might be his greatest source of adversity. If he’s trying to help more around the house, refrain from criticizing how he isn’t quite the vacuuming superstar or five-star chef you’ve dreamed of. Cheer on your spouse! Support his or her vision for personal change and growth—along with the vision you share for your relationship. THE DOOR OF BAD CHOICES Close the Door With: Wisdom You can’t build a strong marriage making foolish choices— and foolish choices come where there’s a lack of wisdom and understanding. “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established,” (PROVERBS 24:3, NIV). Pray for wisdom—and continually seek it in God’s Word, Christian friends and mentors, and books. Instead of making bad choices simply because they’re easy or popular, choose wisdom. The rewards of wise choices will benefit your marriage and your life. THE DOOR OF SILENCE Close the Door With: Communication Silence can breed insecurity, stubbornness and resentment, but communication is the key to conflict resolution. In Proverbs 13:10, the Bible says, “Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel,” (MSG). To be effective, communication should be: • Clear—Your spouse should not be required to know how you feel, what you like or what you want ... without you telling them. • Controlled—When emotions escalate out of control, they hinder beneficial communication. • Constructive—Encourage your spouse instead of focusing on negative qualities. THE DOOR OF APATHY Close the Door With: Passion Often, apathy doesn’t enter a marriage until the newness wears off or children come along. When apathy sets up residence in a marriage, the magic has faded and the loving feeling is lost. She feels unloved and unappreciated, longing for affection and emotional connection. He feels neglected. He craves a woman who wants, desires and admires him. They stop romancing each other...and fuel each other’s apathy! Passion closes the door to apathy. It’s important to express your love for your spouse in a way that he or she likes to feel loved—perhaps through planning a surprise date, writing an encouraging note or purchasing a “just because” gift. And for all married couples, sex is important: “It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband, Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to ‘stand up for your rights.’ Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, under- stand, commanding these periods of abstinence— only providing my best counsel if you should choose them,” (1 Corinthians 7:2-7 MSG). Passion is really all about showing how much you care for the other person in a way that honors them and brings unity to your relationship. THE DOOR OF DISTRUST Close the Door With: Trustworthiness In relationships plagued by distrust, the smallest incidents—like not calling when you plan to work late— can raise doubts.To get rid of distrust, be trustworthy. Often people who aren’t trusted by their spouses haven’t been trustworthy. Live completely honest and transparent with your spouse. Commit to: • No white lies or deception • Not saying one thing and doing another • No secret habits. THE DOOR OF CONFLICT Close the Door With: Resolution Conflict is inevitable in every marriage—but it is how it is handled that has a greater effect on your relationship. It can bring resolution, clarity and closeness or inflict confusion, hurt and doubt. Unresolved issues give way to personal attacks and escalate to a full-fledged attack on the relationship. This dangerous progression is devastating and causes the one or both persons to wonder, “Maybe we’re just not meant to be together.” To resolve conflict effectively, focus on the issue, not on your spouse. THE DOOR OF BOREDOM Close the Door With: Fun Boring life happens to boring people. If you’re not careful, boredom could take over your relationship. In a culture in constant search of the next best thing and convinced that the grass must be greener on the other side, boredom is a serious threat to relationships. The truth is, your relationships are as fun or boring as you make them. We come up with all kinds of reasons why our relationships can’t be more fun. In reality, it’s not about what you do or how much you spend, but the spirit in which you do it.. Make fun your objective—just as you did when you began your relationship. It may take effort, but stoking the fires of fun is worth it! THE DOOR OF BAD COMPANY Close the Door With: Good Company When this door to divorce is open, it’s usually because couples have no discretion on the kind of people they spend time with. Bad company can corrupt the good character of your marriage or of any relationship. Who we look to as mentors, advisors and friends impacts our relationships. Don’t spend time with people who create strife or confusion in your marriage or whose advice contradicts God’s Word. “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (I Cor 15:33, NIV) Instead, find good company. Look for those who make you and your relationship better. Spend time with people whose words and attitudes move you toward your spouse, not away from your spouse. Learn from people who want to build great relationships—they will inspire you. YOU HOLD THE KEYS The doors of divorce loom open in every relationship, regardless of age or marital status. From new friendships to marriages celebrating golden anniversaries, no person is immune from the threat of failure in relationships. But, you don’t have to be just another statistic. Before you step over the threshold of a life of regret, commit to closing the doors on divorce.